I’m falling woefully behind. But I will soldier on! This brand-new film is available to watch in theaters, but you can also rent and stream it right now! The Final Girls is a meta-horror film in the vein of Cabin in the Woods. The premise is this: Violet from the first season of American Horror Story’s mom (Laurie Jupiter from Watchmen) was in a classic 1980’s slasher flick called Camp Bloodbath. On an anniversary of the film’s release, she’s invited to a screening as the daughter of the now-dead actress. A fire starts during the film and Violet (shit, what was her name in the movie?!) and her friends Maebe, Viking guy, Adderall Bitch (who’s also in some vampire TV show), and Shaggy (Silicon Valley dude) escape the flames through the screen on which the movie is showing and find themselves INSIDE the film. The title refers to the genre trope that it is the last female character (who has remained chaste throughout the film) will be the one to kill the bad guy at the end of the film.
I love what this movie tried to do, and it IS entertaining. It’s got plenty of humor. Bumpers is hilarious and so is another camp counselor (The Slutty One, who was also Cleopatra in the Epic Rap Battle against Marilyn Monroe). Silk Spectre II plays it all completely straight and she along with Violet are the heart of the film. The Final Girls does some cool things with the idea of films existing as mini-worlds untouched by time. I would totally watch this again. However, it falls short of really turning the genre on its head. Let me explain. Cabin in the Woods (and Scream long ago) were able to both make fun of horror movies, explain the rules while breaking them, while still maintaining suspense and yes, horror. Even when you see the men in the control room manipulate the temperature and fog effects and pheromone levels in the Thor-and-whatserface-get-it-on-in-the-forest scene, it’s STILL scary. This is the missing element in The Final Girls. I enjoyed watching it, but I was never, ever, scared. I’m still giving it a bit of Afghan for being funny and interesting though.